The NHL Commissioner’s Office notified the Detroit Red Wings team that their Zamboni driver’s antics would cause the team to be fined $10,000. The specific antic that has Gary concerned is the revered tradition of Al Sabotka collecting octopi from the ice and then twirling one overhead as he leaves the ice. Bettman’s reasoning is “Because matter flies off the octopus and gets on the ice when he does it.” Bullshit! This Zamboni driver is also responsible for ice conditions and has meticulously maintained temperature and surface conditions for years resulting in Joe Louis Arena ice known as the best in the league. So please don’t tell me that “matter flies off” causing untold problems. The reason for the rule change has been attributed to Brian Burke and his goon squad from LA-LA land. (I’m sure Anaheim ice must be perfect..after you get through the first two inches of slush.) Apparently Burke has complained to da commish (AKA: ding-dong) about the celebratory twirling which causes Detroit fans to cheer when his team visits. Seems to this writer that this reasoning implies Burke would only be pleased if no cheering were allowed for the opposing home team. That said, Burke is well respected around the league and may just be the scapegoat for another inane rule initiated by none other than…Dumbo the Commish. While players are looking for no-touch icing to be implemented to prevent career-ending concussions, our Mr. All-Time Worst Commissioner of Any Sport dwells on Al Sabotka’s pregame ritual. Perhaps that matter should be collected and placed between Butthead’s ears. At least there would be SOMETHING in there.

The Detroit Red Wings organization needs to spend ten grand this Sunday!