We are all aware of the controversy surrounding the ‘Yotes ownership and the NHL’s insistence that the team stay in Glendale. But our mighty mousey Commish is doing double speak again and it’s time someone called him out on it. Now Mr. Jim and his $212 million bid has been rejected by Gary’s meager legal mind because, among other things, Jimmy was rejected by Gary’s homies; da board of governors. Now were this league a straight up fan-based sports league with years of ethical conduct one would accept the decision and respect the league’s findings. But…Whoa! We’re talking about the NHL. One must understand that Mr. Ballsillie was approved as an owner a few years back when the Pens were on the block. Of course, once Gary learned that JB wanted to eventually move the team to Canada, he put the brakes on that sale. Then when Jimmy wanted to buy the Preds, the mental midget stood (he has to stand or no one would see him) in again and made sure that “respectful” ownership was achieved with the sale to a group partnered with Boots Del Biaggio. Da BOG and Napoleonic numb-nuts consummated quite a deal for the Preds only to discover later that in fact Boots didn’t have any real money. Boots is now going to be making license plates for eight years and must find some way to pay back the $67 million in court ordered restitution. Now that’s the kind of owner the ‘Yotes need! Man, and here I was thinking the BOG and dim wit were just prejudice against Jimmy. They ain’t predjudice against JB; it’s just that he is too successful. Now if he could come up with a good Ponzi scheme, I bet dick weed would convince the board that he’s found the kind of owner the NHL needs. He would probably be enshrined in the HOF along with Samueli and Spano. Given the current situation in Phoenix, it would probably be a good idea to institute drug testing in the NHL, starting with the League offices, since it doesn’t appear shrimp dip is playing with a full deck.

Fortune Magazine did an interview with Ding-dong last month and began the reporting with Bettman tripe about how he has quadrupled revenues, set records in attendance…you know, the same old bull from his lackies. Part of our problem with The Dufus may stem from the fact that he is still learning how to use all his electronic gadgetry. “I track scores all the time” was one quote attributed to the former NBA stooge. Well, isn’t that just peachy. Tracking scores. Next thing you know he’ll be looking at the standings! He also said he carries a rulebook with him at all times. Isn’t that reassuring! Further along in the interview little man was asked what his favorite trip would be and he responded “Australia”. Now I like Aussie land and have nothing against anyone from that great continent, but do you think we could convince them to ask Sir Screwsupalot to start a hockey league down there? They have desert and fans that don’t know a hockey stick from a burro. He’d be great (again, in his own mind). I’m afraid if he sticks around the states much longer there’s going to be “shrimp on the barbie”.

Mark Messier is slated to be inducted into the NHL’s Hall of Fame. The same night as the ceremonies, the Phoenix Coyotes, coached by Wayne, “The Great One”, Gretzky, are scheduled to play. Now it doesn’t take a hockey genius to realize that when a dynamic duo (Messier and Gretsky) played together and achieved so much that one would attend the other’s celebration. But we know Bettman is no hockey genius. In fact, dolt would be a better adjective since his “hockey staff” scheduled the induction ceremonies to coincide with the Phoenix game. Uh, Gary?…Earth to Gary, come in Gary? Next thing you know the notso great one will schedule his IQ exam on the same day he’s scheduled for a lobotomy. (He’s performing as if the latter has already occurred.)